This song means a lot to me because the words express how I felt the first few days of my dad’s passing. My sisters were on the way back and I imagine how lonely and sad the flight back home was. My sister told me she cried when she listened to this song. I thought she was the person who introduced this song to me but found out that it was my eldest sister who introduced this song to us. I think they were trying to find Christian music for the wake service because nobody knew if there was going to be music at the wake service. After all, it was the first wake service in our family, of our family member.
When I received the phone call from my mom telling me that my dad was not responsive anymore, I rushed home but the traffic was bad. I told myself that I had to get home safe. I sensed the Lord reassuring me when I was in the car. In my heart, I heard “Don’t worry. He is with me now.” Not long after that, the hospice nurse called me and confirmed that my dad had passed.
Sometimes I still find it difficult to believe that he is gone but I remind myself that we will meet again. Someday.
I never enjoyed spending time in the garden in the past but was introduced to it early last year. I spent Saturday morning sowing some seeds on some of the pots. Before I did that, I pulled up the weeds and uprooted one of my old okra trees. It was hardly growing anymore and getting diseases. From gardening, I am reminded of some truths.
My father passed away early November in 2019. I still miss him today and the void in my heart will be there until we are reunited again one day in heaven. I still have some regrets of not having spent more time with him when he was still alive. I still wish that I had thought of more things to talk about instead of the awkward silence whenever he was with me in the living room. God is right in taking him home at that time. I’m not saying because I know He is right all the time and that God makes no mistakes. However, I realize that if my father had died last year, or this year, it would’ve been difficult to plan for a proper funeral with all the standard operating procedures ever since Covid 19. My sisters wouldn’t have been able to make it home to attend the funeral. If he is still alive today, he’ll still be bedridden and suffering.
Ever since he left us, my view of life changed. Life is fragile and I know we can keep saying it but what are we doing about it? To me it means trying to spend more time with my mother while she’s still strong and alive. It means praying and planning for an earlier retirement so that I can spend more time with her, .. quality time. Not when she gets frail. When I shared my retirement plans with some people, I get so many different responses. “Wow!” “But she’s still strong.” The truth is, I haven’t made enough for retirement. How much money is enough money for retirement? The value of money may change due to inflation and circumstances in our lives may change. In the end, true security is only found in Christ alone.
Those who know your name trust in you,
for you, O Lord, do not abandon those who search for you.
Psalm 9:10 (NLT)
Isn’t it better to have quality time with someone you love doing things you enjoy together? And because time is the most expensive commodity, what can we do with the remaining time we have left here but to live for the Lord.
I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.